Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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