YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
