i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
