just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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