I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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