remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
