Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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