Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
