I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just found a bag of teeth...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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