Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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