i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
