The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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