She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
