guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
