my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
