you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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