Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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