You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
