actually, I'm a sock model
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
