oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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