I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
