oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
