I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
