I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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