Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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