Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
