Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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