I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
