Non-Jews are for practice
kristin has been a bad kristin
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
