carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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