Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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