I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
