wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
