The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize