I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
