Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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