News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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