We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
