He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
