I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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