he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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