so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
