singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
