He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
