If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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