Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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