My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
