I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
