what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
