Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
