WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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