ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
