Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize