It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
