I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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