maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Buhtt sex?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
