i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
