If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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