Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
