You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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