the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
