You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
