he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
