He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
