fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
