I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize