No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
